What is something that secretly makes you feel … guilty?! I had many privileges as a child that had nothing to do with money. One of those privileges was growing up closely with 3 sets of grandparents, including my maternal great-grandparents who had left the Amish church and way of life, eventually settling on the conservative Mennonite tradition.
One of my great-grandparents’ favorite restaurants in the town I grew up in was called Pagoda Inn, known for their delicious Chinese food and authentic decor. I spent many summer and winter days and nights with my great-grandparents [Sam and Clara], and it was a treat to get egg rolls and fried rice from Pagoda Inn. The catch was that you may be waiting awhile to be served.
I cannot recall an experience at Pagoda Inn as a kid that didn’t involve a red plastic basket of club crackers.
Ahh yes, the waiting crackers.
While we would wait for the food, my grandparents would spread butter on the crackers to munch on. Yes, butter on butter crackers.
Now, it’s time for a confession. Though I use a yogurt-based butter that is heart healthy, to this day?! If I need a small snack, I spread some Brummel & Brown on a few Ritz crackers. I recently confessed something similar to my long-time partner, Mr. Scott. He makes the best spaghetti I’ve ever eaten. I finally admitted to him after 10+ years of love, that with every batch? I do a “cold test”. Meaning, after the spaghetti has been in the fridge, I usually sneak a big bite, cold, with eyes closed. The test has never failed me and tells me exactly how good it is if it passes the “cold test”.
“This batch passed the cold test again!”
If you know me, I went on to confess to him I’ve been doing this for years. (I’m laughing hysterically as I write this!)
Him being him, he asked why I would feel guilty about this?
I liken it to spreading butter on crackers: it tastes so good, it satisfies so right…but it still feels just a bit … wrong. (I’ll come back to this later in the article! Don’t forget…Yes, the butter on these crackers matters! )
I recently gave a keynote on Dr. David Hawkins’ tool, the Map of Consciousness. Preparing this talk is what actually made me think about this question:
And my most recent cold spaghetti confessions made me go deeper, to be honest. It may seem silly, but with Hawkin’s tool, I wanted to investigate guilt. The frequency of guilt is resonant at lower frequencies, right alongside shame, grief, and apathy. Resonating at an energetic log of 30, the predominant emotional state is blame. Within ourselves, the formula of guilt will, inevitably, produce destruction - of self and/or others. Our view of God is one of the Creator being vindictive.
Whoa.
What is an energetic log of frequency? Have you ever seen the ambient videos on YouTube that advertise a certain “hz” of frequency for …sleeping? Dreaming? Awakening? There is deeper science with this, and if you have ever engaged in sound-based healing modalities, you may know this!
If you are still scratching your head (like I was about 8 years ago!) I’ve pulled together some key researcher insights to support my mini-guide (embedded for you below): Your Energy of Emotions & Frequency.
The explanation is based on concepts from several well-known sources and frameworks that bridge physics, psychology, and metaphysical approaches to energy and emotions. Here are the key references for this explanation:
This combination of physics, emotional energy research, and effective communication techniques serve as the foundation for this quick-reference guide.
It was this concept of “sneaking” bites of cold spaghetti on many a late nights, that has had me wrestling with the bigger concept of accountability and why teams within organizations actually resist systems of accountability.
Many of us experience guilt for things that we should not typically associate with something as serious as the emotions of guilt:
Guilt for saying “no”.
Guilt for saying “yes”.
Guilt for working too much.
Guilt for working too little.
Guilt for taking time for yourself.
Guilt for not taking time for yourself.
I have seen this dance too many times to count now: Spouses bickering endlessly, coworkers fueling a toxic work environment, and top-down mandates to force accountability.
What I can tell you in serving in the communications and employee engagement spaces across multiple sectors is that emotions and their energies are essential for understanding who we are, how we show up, and how we all contribute to the bigger organizational culture(s) that we may be part of.
In fact, I would argue that until a team is composed of individuals who have explored together their own ideas and perceptions of topics like trust, conflict, communication, bias, and more? We are all just pretending, through the guise of pretty dashboards, that accountability exists.
We all dodge accountability. It is human nature! Honestly? It is usually for the silliest little lies, fears, guilts, shames, and half-truths we have told ourselves about any given circumstance or situation.
Though Old French and Middle English language shifts/adaptations would alter the meaning/usage in the 17th Century, the 15th Century Latin origins of the word accountability stem from the Latin "computare", meaning "to calculate" or "to reckon."
"-Ability": Originates from the Latin suffix "-abilitas", which indicates the capacity or quality of being able to perform a specific action.
Systems of accountability in organizations cannot be forced on any one person or any one organization - if lasting and sustainable transformation is desired. My two takeaways from analyzing the intended development of the word?
I traced this all the way back to both my great-grandparents having open-heart surgery. To my great-grandma constantly talking about her cholesterol. These were warning indicators. Like, yes, Justine - we are having butter on crackers, but it’s a couple times of year when we go to earth Chinese food.
I linked a lot of deep fear, guilt, and shame with food from a very young age. There’s a lot of reasons for this that had to do with how food was treated in my own home, but, in turn, it’s been incredibly difficult for me to implement systems of accountability for food, fitness, and nutrition over the years.
Imagine: this is solely ONE element in a sea of thousands of elements that make up my “emotional DNA”. Whew. Lots to unpack!!! Let’s get to work, my friends.
When we enter the workplace, we all bring this with us. It is no surprise to me that we often fail to show up authentically or build trust alongside those we collaborate with. It is also never shocking that the teams I serve who struggle the most with systems of accountability? They often begin our work early on in their reflections by singing the praises of their evaluators, saying they love their workplace, and they are a “family”.
Show me your butter on crackers and cold spaghetti - and stop making excuses - try exploring the WHY without judgement to understand the mind’s programming (because you can reprogram any.thing.!)
Let’s continue to get compassionately curious together about how we get to know ourselves through emotions and their unique energies. To be devoted to braving the storms of creating healthy accountability in our relationships, workplaces, and personal lives.
To watch a recent keynote I gave on some of these same topics in this article, click the image below to stream on the Love Learning You™ Official YouTube channel:
Discover how accountability and emotional energy can drive effective leadership in corporate management. Unlock success through conscious engagement.
In leadership and management roles, the interplay between accountability, emotions, and their energies can significantly impact our effectiveness. As a manager or leader, understanding how these elements interact is vital to fostering a productive and positive work environment. This post explores how leveraging accountability and emotional energy can enhance leadership capabilities, boost team performance, and ultimately ensure organizational success.
Accountability is a fundamental pillar of effective leadership. It involves taking responsibility for one’s actions and decisions and being answerable to stakeholders for the outcomes. In a corporate setting, accountability extends beyond personal conduct to encompass how leaders foster an accountable culture within their teams.
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Justine Gonzalez is an American & Puerto Rican educator and entrepreneur who supports corporations, K12 school districts, and nonprofits through her consulting firm, Educator Aide®. Justine has served as a teacher, instructional coach, and K12 school and district-level administrator, including service in Chicago Public Schools. In 2021 she became the first Latina in the United States to become a certified trainer in the Process Communication Model® (PCM), a psychology framework utilized to train members of teams at NASA, Apple, IKEA, Loreal, and more. In addition, her consultancy practice, Educator Aide, is a Better Business Bureau accredited company. She is a member of the National Speakers Association and serves as a founding board member for Midwest Center for Social Services and previously a 2-term board member for EducateME Foundation. She is a writer and speaker while hosting the Love Learning You™ podcast, streaming in 40 countries with Featured Voices monthly guests.
https://www.youtube.com/@lovelearningyou
