Surviving the Unthinkable: An In-Depth Interview with Tony Lai, Author of "Orphan of the Killing Fields"
S.J. Arnold: Tony, thank you for taking the time to talk with me today. Your book, "Orphan of the Killing Fields," has touched many hearts around the world. Let’s start with what motivated you to write this deeply personal memoir.
Tony Lai: Thank you for having me, S.J. The motivation came from a need to share my story and give a voice to those who didn’t survive the horrors of the Khmer Rouge. Growing up, I was surrounded by death, loss, and despair, but I survived. Writing "Orphan of the Killing Fields" was a way to honor my family and the millions of Cambodians who suffered. It was also a way to heal and make sense of the trauma that defined my childhood.
S.J. Arnold: Your story is not only about survival but also about resilience and hope. What was it like revisiting such painful memories while writing your book?
Tony Lai: It was incredibly difficult. Every page I wrote brought back memories I had tried to bury for years. The hardest part was reliving the loss of my family, especially my mother. I remember moments of starvation, the constant fear, and the brutality that surrounded us. But as painful as it was, writing became a form of therapy. It allowed me to confront my past, understand my pain, and, ultimately, begin to heal.
S.J. Arnold: You describe the Khmer Rouge regime in vivid detail—scenes of forced labor, starvation, and unimaginable violence. How did you manage to capture these moments so authentically?
Tony Lai: Authenticity was crucial to me. I wanted readers to feel the fear, hunger, and despair that defined my daily existence during those years. I relied on my memories, which were often clear because trauma has a way of imprinting on your mind. I also spoke to other survivors, some of whom shared their own experiences, which helped me piece together a more comprehensive picture. My goal was to be honest, even if that honesty was brutal and uncomfortable.
S.J. Arnold: What were some of the most challenging scenes for you to write about in the book?
Tony Lai: Writing about the death of my family members was the most challenging. There were days when I couldn’t continue because the memories were too overwhelming. One scene that stands out is when my younger brother died of starvation. I was just a child, powerless and unable to help him. Another was the constant fear of being caught and punished for the slightest infractions, which often resulted in beatings or worse. Reliving these moments was like opening old wounds, but I knew they were necessary to tell the full story.
S.J. Arnold: Many readers are struck by your courage, both in surviving the Killing Fields and in sharing your story with the world. What kept you going during those darkest times?
Tony Lai: I think it was a mix of instinct, hope, and the memories of my loved ones. Even as a child, I knew I had to keep going. There was always this small part of me that believed I might one day find a better life or that somehow my parents would miraculously return. Clinging to that hope, however unrealistic it might have been, gave me the strength to endure. And later, after I escaped to a refugee camp, the thought of building a new life kept me going.
S.J. Arnold: After surviving the Khmer Rouge and eventually resettling in the United States, how did you adapt to your new life?
Tony Lai: Adapting was one of the biggest challenges I faced. I arrived in the U.S. with no family, barely speaking any English, and carrying the trauma of my past. I felt lost and alone, but I also saw it as a second chance. I threw myself into learning the language and adapting to American culture. School was tough, but it was also a refuge—a place where I could dream of a future beyond the horrors I had experienced. Over time, I found work, made friends, and slowly started to rebuild my life.
S.J. Arnold: How did the process of writing "Orphan of the Killing Fields" help you come to terms with your past?
Tony Lai: Writing was incredibly therapeutic. It allowed me to take control of my story and transform my pain into something meaningful. For years, I kept everything inside, afraid to share my experiences because I didn’t think anyone could understand. But putting my story on paper helped me make sense of it all. It was like piecing together a puzzle of my life, finding closure, and finally allowing myself to grieve properly.
S.J. Arnold: Your book has had a profound impact on readers around the world. What do you hope people take away from your story?
Tony Lai: My hope is that readers will gain a deeper understanding of what happened in Cambodia during the Khmer Rouge era and the lasting impact it had on survivors. But more importantly, I want people to see that even in the darkest moments, the human spirit can endure. I hope my story inspires others to persevere through their struggles, to never give up hope, and to recognize the strength we all have inside.
S.J. Arnold: The themes of loss, survival, and rebuilding are central to your memoir. How do you view your journey now, looking back?
Tony Lai: Looking back, I see a journey of survival, resilience, and ultimately, redemption. I’ve come to terms with my past, and while the scars remain, I’ve also found peace. I’ve built a life that honors the memory of my family, and I’ve dedicated myself to helping others understand the atrocities of the past. My journey isn’t just about me—it’s about the millions who didn’t make it and the importance of remembering and learning from history.
S.J. Arnold: Finally, what’s next for you, Tony? Do you have plans to write more, or are you focusing on other projects?
Tony Lai: I’m currently working on a second book, which will focus on the journey of rebuilding after trauma. It’s less about the horrors and more about the healing process. I also spend a lot of time speaking at schools and organizations, sharing my story to educate others. My goal is to keep raising awareness and advocating for survivors of genocide and war, making sure these stories are never forgotten.
This concludes our in-depth conversation with Tony Lai, a survivor, author, and advocate whose journey from the Killing Fields to a life of purpose and resilience is nothing short of inspirational. His book, "Orphan of the Killing Fields," stands as a testament to the enduring strength of the human spirit.
