My sport of choice is tennis. I love it because it can be both physically and mentally challenging, at the same time social and fun. It offers flexibility in that it can be played outdoors or indoors, singles or doubles, same sex or mixed. It is accessible by players of all levels and ages so the whole family can get involved. I can imagine myself old and grey in the not so distant future, (hopefully) still playing for fun with my grandchildren. You can never really overcome it completely - there is always a way to get better. This is why I love to play.
It wasn’t until I started playing club competitions however, that I noticed something interesting about the sport and what it can reveal. Tennis is quite technical and when you only learned tennis as an adult, like I did, it’s a real humbling journey. No matter how much practice you get to have, things can change in a match. I noticed that under pressure, I can miss very easy shots and forget the drills I’ve been working on for months..completely. Sometimes the better my opponent/s the more I fumbled. What’s going on.
At closer look I realised that when I compete in public, my body can often feel slightly stiffer, my shoulders a bit contracted, arms not as relaxed as I would like - and this stiffness extends to the racket. Balls would hit the frame and go skyward. I would double-fault more. My legs freeze up and seem to go on slow motion. Argh.
Once I notice I’m not playing so well, a voice in my head starts to get louder: you will lose. So what do I do? I play safer… and I start to actualize the fear… and lose my serves. Yes, I smell fear, and yes I will inevitably lose.
To feel better, I’ve watched replays of matches where the pros get bad days too. Very bad days.
In 2012, the unheralded Frenchwoman, Virginie Razzano, then ranked 111th in the world, toppled Serena Williams in the first round of the French Open. In 2017, French Open Defending champion Novak Djokovic (world ranked #1) loses in straight sets against Dominic Thiem, 7-6, 6-3, 6-0. Neither of them were injured. These major upsets can’t be down to skill or technique.
What makes champions and regular folks like me tank at competitions? Sure, it’s a very mental game. Is it the lack of confidence? Nerves? stage fright? the critical voice? childhood trauma? or is it FOPO (fear of other people’s opinions)?
What can happen in our head when we are under increased pressure? How can we learn to ignore that know-it-all critical voice? What’s your strategy to not let yourself down, when the perceived stakes are higher?
One day I was watching advanced players competing in the local doubles league. A friend of mine comes over to sit next to me, nudged me with his elbow, and whispered: “That team will lose. She has not gone forward once to the net. And her partner, she’s playing it too safe. Why isn’t anyone poaching? I haven’t seen either of them try to poach. She’s just standing there. Geez.”
I cringed.
People will say whatever they want to say about how people are winning or losing. We have all heard it. We have all said it. When we sit and watch sports matches, we become unofficial sports commentators (and some are more McEnroe-esque than others).
At that moment when my friend offered his outspoken commentary - I felt it was directed at me. I play in matches like that sometimes, well, most of the time: safe, scared of making an error, tense.
What does it all mean? Do I suffer from FOPO?
In an HBR article by Michael Gervais (2019), FOPO, our fear of other people’s opinions, has become an irrational and unproductive obsession in the modern world, and its negative effects reach far beyond performance.
He suggested that if people want to conquer FOPO they will need to cultivate more self-awareness and develop a personal philosophy — a word or phrase that expresses their basic beliefs and values.
“Unfortunately, FOPO is part of the human condition since we’re operating with an ancient brain. A craving for social approval made our ancestors cautious and savvy; thousands of years ago, if the responsibility for the failed hunt fell on your shoulders, your place in the tribe could be threatened. The desire to fit in and the paralyzing fear of being disliked undermine our ability to pursue the lives we want to create.”
And when you’re tanking in a match, slow down. Take a deep breath. Loosen up by moving your body, flex your limbs, jaw, neck, wrists, knees… then re-focus. Once you’re aware of your thoughts, guide yourself toward these confidence-building statements (I am prepared to do by best. I play because I have fun. I love tennis and I will play until I get to play with my grandkids!) These statements will help you focus on your skills, abilities and values rather than others’ opinions.
In the book The Inner Game of Tennis by Tim Galway (2008), he talks about the art of relaxed concentration. The secret to winning any game lies in not trying too hard, paradoxically. The winner aims at the kind of spontaneous performance which occurs only when the mind is calm and seems at one with the body, which finds its own surprising ways to surpass its own limits again and again…
“There is a far more natural and effective process for learning and doing almost anything than most of us realise. It is similar to the process we all used, but soon forgot, as we learned to walk and talk. It uses the intuitive capabilities of the mind and both the right and left hemispheres of the brain. The process doesn’t have to be learned; we already know it. All that is needed is to unlearn those habits which interfere with it and then to just let it happen.”
Aurora Aritao is the Founder of the THRIVEinMIND Leadership Group and works as an Organisational Consultant, Executive Coach & Leadership Development Facilitator.
